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Kale Chips and Salmond Dip

February 11, 2012

So I just got back from the winter farmer’s market with a bag full of overpriced cellar roots and locally made dips and spreads. I really can’t afford to spend as much as I did on veggies that I can buy much cheaper at the grocery store, but my mind and body were yearning for seasonal produce with the dirt still caked on.  Being amidst the farmers and their wares definitely made me nostalgic for the summer markets, where the fruits and veggies are almost pornographic in their size and abundance. *sigh* Counting down the days until summer…

Now that we’re on this side of the New Year, and I’m starting to get seed catalogs in the mail (speaking of pornographic- seed catalogs get blatantly erotic when describing tomatoes), I’m starting to fantasize about gardening. I’d give anything to be able to plunge my hands into sun warmed soil full of dense, loamy goodness. Unfortunately, about three feet of snow is preventing that reality from happening. Three feet of snow and another conceivable three months of winter weather. Phooey.

Also halting my garden fantasies is the fact that I have no clue where the heck I’m going to be in a few months.

Graduation is looming, and beyond that, the scary real world. By the way, it’s sadistic that graduate schools have students defend their this at the exact moment everyone starts thinking, “Oh SHIT, I’m graduating in two months! NEED JOB!” Who the hell has time to both plan a thesis defense AND submit resumes? Talk about overload.  By focusing on both, I’m not progressing very rapidly with either. My thesis is currently a bunch of quotes arbitrarily strung together with half composed thoughts. Each time I sit down to write, I get suddenly very overwhelmed and tired, and usually give into the temptation of hulu. I’m starting to think that writing a thesis is less about contributing  the academic community and more about testing students’ stamina.

Even scarier than defending my thesis is preparing for the real world. I’m having a bit of an existential crisis. The other day I was filling out my graduation form and it hit me that I might never be a student ever ever again. Wha———? But I’ve always been a student!  Even when I took a break right after undergrad I still knew I was going back to graduate school someday. I still identified as a student, I was just on hiatus. But now that I’m no longer entertaining the idea of pursuing a PhD, I’m realizing this might be my last few months in academia. Scary, scary thought. I’ve always identified with being a student, and I’m at a bit of a loss right now…..

Identity crisis aside, I’ve started applying for jobs- a tremendously frustrating experience. I hate that there’s no cosmic rule that says just because I’m perfect for job, that I’m going to get it. So far I’ve applied to be an office assistant for a ranch in Wyoming, an editorial assistant for the forest service, and a marketing coordinator for a local food distributor. My parents are just thrilled that I’m applying to jobs with salaries and benefits instead of horses and cows. I’m much less excited about this, but I guess part of making big girl decisions is trading in dreams for insurance. Boo.

2 Comments leave one →
  1. cammiejustus permalink
    February 12, 2012 8:10 am

    Finishing my thesis and applying to jobs at the same time sucked. But you will make it through! I haven’t given up on my dreams yet, now I’m just counting down dollars until I can afford them. 🙂

    • mountain chicken permalink*
      February 12, 2012 8:56 am

      Thanks for the encouragement! Just trudging through right now… painful sentence and resume at a time…..

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