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Being a bum

October 5, 2010

Well it looks like I’m about as committed to this blog as I am to my morning yoga….which is to say, not at all. I’m not sure what keeps me from being more productive. I only have 9 hours of class per week, 24 hours of work, and 5-10 hours of homework. I have massive chunks of time in the middle of my day that I do nothing with. Nothing at all. I don’t even have cable. What the hell am I wasting my time on? I blame craigslist and dreamhorse.

I really do need to motivate myself to become a more productive individual. There are so many things I want to do. Things that would make my life more fullfilling. And yet……..I do nothing. I’m a bum.

Other than my intense lack of motivation and procrastination habits, life is going pretty well. I’m doing pretty well in school, am lucky enough to have found a job, am making new friends, and have enough money. Still, something seems lacking. I feel like a whiny, spoiled b!tch to complain about wanting more when I have so much more than most people have…….but it seems like there’s something lacking. I’m doing well in school, but it doesn’t excite me in the way it should. I have a job, but it’s not exactly emotionally or intellectually fulfilling…nor is it anywhere on my projected career trajectory. I have money, but it’s never quite enough to feel comfortable. At least I have my friends and family. Maybe I’m just dissappointed with myself for not taking more advantage of the things life has to offer. I wish I was more of a go -getter. I wish I was more on top of it. For example, it’s 11:30 am right now. If I was a better person I would have woken up at 6am, finished my essay, turned it in by 8am, gone on a morning run, done my weekly shopping, cleaned my room, gone to the bank, and called my Grandma. Instead, I’ve just managed to turn in my paper and eat a bunch of cookies (the remnants of which are still on my desk, of course).

And I miss horses. My beast was supposed to come up a week ago but refused to load. *sigh* I really need to find a trainer out here and get back into jumping.

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