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August 24, 2010

I’m going through an existential/quarter life crisis here. No moment of peace in my head. All I do is ask myself, “What am I doing?”, “Why am I doing it?”, “What do I want to be doing?”, and “How do I get there?”, “How did I get here?”

The acute pain of leaving the ranch is slowly fading to a dull ache. I’m no longer crying but every fiber of my being wants to go back.  It sounds overly dramatic, but the ranch has been my home and happiness for the past few years. Leaving it is tough. I know I just need to get busy here and attempt to cultivate my own life or else risk living in an eternal state of “remember when I was back at the ranch…..” I’ll give myself another mourning day and then I’m kicking my ass into gear.

The first classes of my graduate career were yesterday. One was so-so and the other has the potential to be fantastic. I’m only taking 9 units, so I need to figure out how I’m going to spend the other hours of my life. I want to get back into jumping, so maybe that will be the first step in the ranch recovery process. There seriously needs to be a 12 step program. I can see how others have spent 10 years there. It’s a cult.

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One Comment leave one →
  1. BirdieNumNum permalink
    August 24, 2010 8:28 pm

    Quarter-life crisis is a real thing! While it’s good to be open and curious about new experiences, don’t force yourself to enjoy something. And what indeed is it that you ultimately want to be doing?

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