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December 9, 2009

Most of the time I’m content with my decision to leave the ranch. I’m ready to further my education. I’m ready to pursue a more permanent career. I’m ready to fulfill my own dream to have my own little homestead rather than latching onto someone else’s.

But other times…other times it feels like my heart and gut are being wrenched from my body. I know that seems dramatic. After all, there are tons of people that have loved this ranch as I have and left it as I will. But still, these are the people that express a yearning to return and regret for ever having left. The ranch is like ‘the one that got away’. If I break up with the ranch, I want it to be one of those endings that ultimately ends up with me moving onto something bigger and better, but we’re still comfortable enough to be friends and reminisce about the good times. I don’t want to leave the ranch only to live a lifetime of “woulda, shoulda, coulda, but didn’t”. And days like today don’t make leaving any easier. Outside is beautiful and still and white and silent. The snow is coming down in little gust and further up the mountains you can see that it’s denser. The mountains deep in the valley look dark and wild. There is such a strong feeling of place here, and it’s a place I don’t want to leave.

Today, that is.

I hope I’m excited about the change tomorrow.

One Comment leave one →
  1. December 12, 2009 3:17 pm

    wow… woah… where have I been?
    this is big news.
    dang, that’s a scary word.
    but wonderful.
    don’t forget that.
    no, you know that.
    “the one that got away,” you say, and i remind you, “better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.”
    you have changed just being there. it has been beautiful for you. and so will be the change. you will keep it all in your heart and are better for it. we can not stand still like stagnant waters. flow, girl. go, girl… spread those (chicken) wings and fly! enjoy the ride.

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