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September 10, 2009

week6-7 070

Just two more days of guests and then the season is over. And I’m back to drifting. A lot of the time I feel like one of the aspen leaves I see twirling in these new autumn breezes.

I float and fall and float and fall and every once in a while get carried upwards….floating and falling until I manage to hit something hard and stable to keep me grounded.

It’s not a bad feeling…just a drifting feeling. Anyone who’s ever not known whats next…be it tomorrow or next week or next year or next anything really has had the feeling before. Half the time it’s liberating. I can do anything and go anywhere and be anyone. The world is mine and I have no obligations or responsibilities to restrain and constrain me. The other half the time the total and immense freedom is scary and overwhelmind. When you can make any choice in the world, its sometimes easier to make none.

Anyways, enough pseudo-philosophical semi-ranting.

The summer is done. It went by way way way too quickly. It was a fantastic summer though. Good people, good guests, good rides, good horses, good food, good work, good memories. And now comes the winding down period which really exacerbates this feeling of limbo. Not quite summer but not quite winter. It’s a quiet wrapping away of all the summer things and just means a bunch of nostalgia before the winter snow physically covers all the vestiges of summer and brings a whole new season and aura to the ranch.

In the meantime, I’ll keep busy. There’s a roadtrip home planned to pick up a truck (hopefully!), pies to bake, scarves to knit, a ranch to clean up, songs to learn on the guitar, cows to push, and babies to ride.

And hopefully a lot of job hunting. Hopefully I can scrounge together enough part time jobs to make rent and loan payments. If not….eek….it will be a very boring and very poor winter.

Then come January I’ll be heading to FT. Collins to start school again! Exciting. Then back at the ranch again in the summer. I’m afraid the rest of my life will be spent trying to stay on the ranch, waiting until its summer, or wishing I was on the ranch. I need the ranch owners to adopt me…

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